Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
There aren't nearly as many guys masturbating on chatroulette as i was led to believe...i feel cheated
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
Randomize
