I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
Randomize
