I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
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