Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
Randomize
