Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
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