You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
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