I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
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