Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
Randomize
