3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
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