just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
Randomize
