I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
spotted: something called the tunnel of opression. i feel like if we patricipated we wouldnt even be phased or we could run it better than them
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
Randomize
