I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
Randomize
