**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
Best orgasm I ever had! I though we totally connected and I asked him to stay over. He went back to the sigma chi house and returned with his blankie and a 40. please help
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
Randomize
