i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
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