So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
Randomize
