he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
Randomize
