I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
Randomize
