I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
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