but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
Randomize
