i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
Randomize
