Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
where am i from again
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
Randomize
