Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
Just heard "Kiss Me Though the Phone" for the first time. Amazed how it took Soulja Boy two songs to become a shitter version of Ja Rule.
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
Randomize
