bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
just really comprehended the fact that I'm getting high at the same place I used to play as a child. the nostalgia and thc is mixing together in one, intense wave. WHO HAVE I BECOME
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
Randomize
