I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
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