I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
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