btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
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I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
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I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
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