Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
Randomize
