Cold hands, warm shart.
Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
Played never have I ever with high schoolers today. Needless to say they brought up threesomes so I had to make a judgement call and decided to not put my finger down
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
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