It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
it was like eating out sand paper
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
Just a warning... Flip, sip, or strip always ends in all participants being naked. Learning from experience.
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize
