Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
