after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
Randomize
