I'd wear matching sweaters with you
She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
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