new low.... made out with someone while peeing
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
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