I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
Randomize
