Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
Randomize
