Dude, I don't think I'll ever be able to find a girl for me...
Is this the gay conversation?
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
Randomize
