do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
Randomize
