when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
Randomize
