I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
Randomize
