break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
Randomize
