Whats the glycemic index on semen?
my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
He better not be in your backpack
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
Randomize
