Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
Randomize
