the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
Randomize
