based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
Randomize
