So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
Randomize
