I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
after a month anything with tits is on the radar
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
Randomize
