If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
is caitlin alive?
ya she's alive she's watching a movie
ok remind her she drank toilet water then.
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
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