Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
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