these pics are all outta focus - was this what the camera saw? or what your eyes saw?
I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
My apartment stinks of burning failure
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