I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
i kinda regret how quickly i gave it up to him, but i just wanted the regular fucking to begin soon. ah we made good memories.
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
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