I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
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