You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
Randomize
