I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
Randomize
