at a party and just made O-H-I-O out of dicks and vajayjays...i hope someone took a pic i was too busy (; GO BUCKS!!!
And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
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