K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
can u get pink eye on your cock?
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
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