When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Randomize
