I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
Randomize
