***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
Randomize
