You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
Wow, you were right... Weed does start conversations
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
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