So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
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