Where is the hickey?
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
yesterday pre dick pic he said "no disrespect to your situation but i cant wait to get ahold of you again in the future" is this how people network??
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
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