time to smoke my breakfast
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
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