I'm pants shitting drunk right now
her vagine was all disorganized.
The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
Randomize
