You can't motorboat a personality
Canada is now making docos about life in America. Its called Trailer Park Boys.
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
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