I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
Randomize
