What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
Randomize
