it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
Randomize
