Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
She seriously needs to find another hobby other than bouncing on cock.
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
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when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
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Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
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