I showed him my bush... on skype.
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
Randomize
