Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
she woke up with a sticky ear
You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
Lo siento on account of my penis...
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
Randomize
