A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
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