Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
Randomize
