I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
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