the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
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