So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
50% drunk capacity currently
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
Randomize
