like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
Some milfs here doing some blow
Dad?
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
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