So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
I cant talk right now they are about to fuck again
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
Randomize
